


Amazing

by NavajoLovesDestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Dean, Castiel is a tattoo artist, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Dean is a prostitute, Explicit Sexual Content, Gabriel owns a diner, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Smut, Switching, Top Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 02:13:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15402705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavajoLovesDestiel/pseuds/NavajoLovesDestiel
Summary: He wondered where to go. He didn’t even notice the direction he was limping in until he saw the sign.Angel wings  Tattoos and PiercingIt was closed, but there was a light on in the back. Dean banged on the door.Cas came out, yelling that the shop was closed, but when he saw Dean, he hurried to unlock the door.“Dean! What the fuck happened to you?”Dean scuffed his boot toe. “Kinda got messed up.”





	1. I know one of these days bad habits will kill me

**Author's Note:**

> Dean gets raped but it isn't graphic.  
> The chapter titles are from the Louden Swain song, Amazing. If you haven' heard it, first of all, why not? Second, go now and listen to it. It's, well, amazing.  
> The song lyrics in the chapter titles aren't in order.

The guy was a lot stronger than he looked. He hit Dean in the face and knocked him down, then grabbed him and flipped him onto his stomach.

“I’ll kill you, you fucker, let me up!”

When the guy pulled Dean’s jeans down over his ass, Dean got frantic.

“No! No no no… let me go…”

The guy spit in his hand, rubbed the saliva on the head of his dick and thrust in.

Dean felt searing pain. He made his mind see him and Sammy fishing in that lake that was a ways from Bobby’s. He tried as hard as he could to just let his mind wander. It wasn’t easy with the pain.

 

Dean struggled up. He yanked his jeans up and his hand came back bloody. He knew his eye was probably black and he ran his hand over his cheek and hissed at the pain.

“Fuck.”

He wondered where to go. He didn’t even notice the direction he was limping in until he saw the sign.

 

**Angel wings  Tattoos and Piercing**

 

It was closed, but there was a light on in the back. Dean banged on the door.

Cas came out, yelling that the shop was closed, but when he saw Dean, he hurried to unlock the door.

“Dean! What the fuck happened to you?”

Dean scuffed his boot toe. “Kinda got messed up.”

Cas pulled him inside and locked the door.

“Yeah, I’d say. Come on.”

Cas led him through the back of the shop and to some stairs. Dean followed him up. They led to a small apartment.

“I didn’t know you lived upstairs from the shop.”

Cas turned, frowning. “There’s a lot of stuff you don’t know about me. Come on, let’s take a look.”

Cas led Dean to the bathroom and had him sit on the toilet lid. Dean groaned when he sat down, and Cas frowned even deeper but didn’t say anything.

Cas got out some cotton balls and a bottle of antiseptic. He wet one of the balls and dabbed it on the cut under Dean’s eye. Dean jerked and hissed.

“Don’t be a baby, Dean.”

Dean sucked it up and let Cas clean his cut.

When he was done, he stood up. “You need to get out of those clothes and into the shower. Just throw them out when you get them off and I’ll find something for you to wear. Towels are under the sink.”

Dean unlaced his boots and took off his socks. He stood up and pulled off his jeans. His underwear was stuck to his ass with blood and he made a face as he peeled them off.

He added his T shirt and opened the door a little to throw them in the hall. Then he turned on the shower and stepped in.

The hot water felt good on his sore muscles. He heard the door open, and Cas putting some clothes on the sink, then the door closed again. Dean washed his ass carefully, sucking in a breath as he tried to clean the cum out.

He and Cas were friends, kind of anyway. He’s met Cas in the coffee shop next door and they just got to talking. Dean loved tattoos and Cas had shown him his portfolio.

From then on. Dean had dropped by from time to time. Cas let him draw stuff. Dean had always loved to draw. He wasn’t very good at it, but he loved it anyway.

It helped when Dean got down, when he hated that he lived in his car, hated what he did for money, hated himself. 

He stepped out of the shower and dried off. Cas had left him some sleep pants and an old Zeppelin T shirt. He put them on and walked back to the living room.

Cas had a beer waiting and there was a sandwich next to it on the coffee table.

Dean sat down next to Cas on the couch and took a bite.

“Dean, what happened? I had to throw your underwear away, it was too bloody to save.”

Dean winced. “It don’t matter. Let it go. But thanks, man.” He took another bite and washed it down with a swig of beer.

Cas was frowning more than Dean had ever seen him before. More even than when someone came into his shop and wanted him to tattoo something stupid on them, and that pissed Cas off a lot.

“Dean, you can’t keep this up. You’re gonna end up murdered in some alley.”

Dean didn’t look at Cas. He didn’t want to see the look on Cas’ face.

“Only thing I know how to do, Cas.”

Cas huffed. “You’re gonna sleep on the couch. And if I get up in the morning and you aren’t here, I will hunt you down and kick your ass, understand?”

Dean nodded. Sleeping on a couch sounded way better tonight than sleeping in the back seat of baby. He finished the food and beer. Cas grabbed the bottle and the plate and took them to the kitchen. He came back with a pillow and a blanket.

Dean put the pillow at the end of the couch and laid down, covering himself with the blanket. Cas switched off the light and turned to leave.

“Cas?”

Cas stopped but didn’t turn around.

“Thanks, man.”

“Go to sleep, Dean.”

Dean slept like the dead. 

He woke up to the smell of coffee and something cooking. He sat up and groaned at the pain in his ass.

“Morning, Dean, breakfast is almost ready.” 

Dean got up and went to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. He had a shiner, and a big dark bruise on his cheek. But at least his ass wasn’t bleeding. He pissed and washed his hands and face, then went to the kitchen.

Cas was standing at the stove, stirring eggs. Dean looked at his arms, alway fascinated by the tats on them.

They were full sleeves, and Dean had never seen them in their entirety. What was visible was amazing. There were vines and flowers with animal faces peeking out on one arm. The other had a dragon.

Cas plated some food and Dean sat at the table. Cas put a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon down in front of him, then got them each a cup of coffee.

Dean began to eat, and moaned appreciatively. “Man, you sure know your way around eggs.”

Cas snorted. “It isn’t rocket science.”

They ate in silence.

When they were done, Dean grabbed the plates and put them in the sink. He ran the water and began to wash.

Cas left the room, but was back in a few moments with Dean’s clothes, washed and folded. There was a pair of knit boxers on top.

“Gonna have to wear a pair of mine.”

Dean chuckled. “I don’t mind.”

Cas plopped the clothes on a chair.

“I want to talk.”

 


	2. Sooner or later we all must pay our debts

Dean sighed. “Let me get dressed first, okay?” Cas nodded.

Dean went to the bathroom and changed. He didn’t want to talk at all, but he felt like he owed it to Cas to hear him out. It wouldn’t make a difference, but he’d let the guy talk.

Cas sat on the couch, so Dean sat down gently.

Cas noticed.

“Listen, Dean. I’m worried about you. You’re out there, selling your body to any fucker with a few bucks, and this isn’t the first time you got tuned up.”

Dean looked at the floor. 

“You’ve got to stop. Man, I don’t want to have to identify your body because there isn’t anyone else to do it.”

Dean turned and looked at Cas. “It’s all I know how to do, I told you. No one wants to hire a felon who doesn’t know how to do anything. I’m not smart like you and Sammy. I don’t have any skills.” He sounded angrier than he meant to.

“Bullshit, Dean. You’re not dumb. I just wish you could see that.”

Dean stood up. “Enough, mom.”

Cas shook his head. “I’ve got an appointment.” He left and Dean listened to him walking down the stairs. 

Sighing, Dean went down too. He walked through the shop and to the front door.

“Thanks, Cas, See ya around.”

“Dean…” 

Dean went through the door, not wanting to hear what Cas was saying.

He walked to his car, running his hand lovingly along her fender. 

“How you doing, baby?’

He got in and fished out his wallet. He had exactly twenty dollars to his name, and he knew baby needed gas. Sighing, he started her up and drove to the gas station.

He put ten in the tank, which left him ten. He knew he wouldn’t be able to work tonight, not even blow jobs with the way his face looked. He was gonna have to take a day off and try to eat with what he had left.

He drove and parked around the corner from Cas’ shop. He sat in his car for awhile. He got out his phone and scrolled down the contact list until Sam’s name showed up.

That made him think of the last time he’d seen Sam. It was at his sentencing hearing. Sam had been furious and told him he was nothing but an embarrassment and that he never wanted to see Dean again. Dean didn’t blame him.

He did his eighteen months for the B&E and got out with nothing but a hundred dollars and his car.

He drove until he got to Lawrence and decided to give it a try. Sam was in Stanford, studying to be a lawyer and he didn’t need his no-good older brother messing that up.

He threw his phone on the seat next to him and grabbed a book to read while he waited.

When dinner time rolled around, he put his book down and got out. He walked along the sidewalk, passing Cas’ shop. He stopped and looked in the front window.

Cas was bent over some guy, tattooing his arm. The guy was crying. Dean laughed, 

“Pussy.”

He continued on and went in the small diner next door. Gabe was behind the counter as usual.

Gabe smiled when he saw Dean. “Dean! How’s it hanging?”

Dean grinned and answered, “A little to the left.” 

Gabe always asked the same question and Dean always gave him the same answer, and still Gabe laughed.

“What can I get for five?”

Gabe told him to go sit down and brought him a burger and fries. It was accompanied by a beer.

“Thanks, Gabe.” Dean knew the total was more than five dollars, but Gabe always cut him a break.

Dean ate his food and sipped on the beer, not wanting to go back to the car yet.

Gabe walked over and picked up the plate.

“You get mugged?”

Dean sighed. “Something like that.”

Gabe put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed. “You need to be more careful, Dean.”

Dean nodded. 

Gabe brought him another beer. “It’s on the house.”

Dean thanked him and Gabe just waved his hand as if it wasn’t a big deal.

Dean wished he could afford to get drunk, but he knew he needed to hang on to his last five. He finished his beer and got up.

“See ya, Gabe.” 

Gabe waved at him and he left. Cas’ shop was empty when he walked by it.

He went back and sat in his car.

When it got too dark to read, he crawled in the back and stretched out as best he could. 

He was startled awake by someone banging on the window. He sat up and banged his head on the roof, and his ass gave a painful twinge. He looked and Cas was staring in the window.

He threw open the door, rubbing his head.

“Fuck you want?”

Cas had a very sour look on his face. 

“I went running and I was on my way back home when I saw your car. And you, sleeping in the back.”

Dean swung his legs out and sat on the edge of the seat.

“You  _ run _ ? Why the hell would you do that?”

Cas crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s good for me. Why the hell are you sleeping in your car?”

“Because it’s the only place I have to sleep, asshole.”

Cas sighed. “You are coming back to my place. No arguments.”

Dean thought about it for a moment. It was nicer on Cas’ couch than in the back seat. He stood up.

Cas stepped back. “Grab your shit. You’re staying with me.”

Dean turned and looked at him. “Why do you care where I sleep all of a sudden?”

“I just do. Now get your shit.”

Sighing, Dean closed the car door and opened the trunk. He lifted the trunk lid and grabbed the duffel bag. Under it was a gun. He looked at Cas, who looked shocked.

“Stop clutching your pearls. It belonged to my dad. That and the car were the only things I got when he died.”

Cas never said a word, thankfully. He just turned and started walking towards the shop. Dean slung his duffel bag over his shoulder and followed.

Cas turned down the alley and unlocked the side door, held it open for Dean then locked it behind them. They walked up the stairs and Dean dropped his bag at the end of the couch.

“Want a beer?”

Dean grinned. “Does a bear shit in the woods?”

Cas said very seriously, “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in any woods.”

Dean shook his head. “Jesus H, Cas. the answer is yes. Yes I would like a beer.”

Cas muttered, “Why didn’t you just say yes, then,” as he walked to the kitchen.

“So why the sudden concern, Cas?” Dean took a long drink of his beer.

“It’s not sudden, Dean. I’ve been worried about you for a while.”

Dean felt a funny feeling in his chest. No one ever worried about him. He wasn’t used to it.

“Yeah, well, I don’t need a mom.”

Cas finished his beer. “Maybe a mom is exactly what you need.” 

 


	3. No matter how lucky you are, the landlord needs the rent

Dean slept well again. He woke up again to the smell of something cooking. He sat on the edge of the couch and groaned. He knew he couldn’t just let Cas support him and he still wasn’t ready to go back on the street. He walked to the bathroom, carrying some of his stuff. He pissed, brushed his teeth and washed his hands and face.

He wandered to the kitchen. Cas had a plate of food set up for him, and he was sitting at the table, drinking coffee.

Dean sat down. “Listen, Cas, uh, I’m gonna pay you back. I just need a few days.”

Cas sat his cup down and sighed. 

“Need a few days for your ass to heal? No, Dean, ain’t gonna go back out there.”

Dean frowned. “Oh yeah? Who’s gonna stop me? You? I’m not going to let you make me into a charity case.”

Cas put his hands on the table. “I’ve got no intention of making you into a charity case. Damn it, Dean, I got you a job.”

Dean stopped talking. Then, “I thought you said you got me a job there for a minute.”

Cas grinned. “I did say that. You can work at Gabe’s.”

Dean didn’t know what to say, exactly.

“He know I’m a felon?”

“He knows.”

“But he’d hire me anyway?”

“Yep.” Cas “You can start on Monday.”

Dean didn’t know what to say. Cas had gone to bat for him and Gabe was gonna give him a chance? No one had ever done anything like that for him before. He was feeling a little overwhelmed.

“I don’t know what to say, Cas.”

Cas grinned. “Just say yes.”

“Yes.”

Cas stood up and cleared the table. Dean pushed him aside with his hip and washed the dishes.

When they were done, Dean walked to the living room, and sat down next to Cas on the couch.

“So, when did you start running? And more importantly,  _ why _ ?”

 

Cas went to the shop, but not before he made Dean swear to stay put in the apartment until lunch time. Dean looked around the living room. Cas had a ton of movies, so Dean picked out one of the Batman ones and watched it.

It was just ending when Cas walked in. 

“Come on, we’re going next door for lunch.”

Dean put on his boots and followed Cas.

When they walked in, Gabe called out, “Hey! It’s my favorite baby brother and his new boy toy!”

Dean stopped and looked between Gabe and Cas.

“You’re brothers? Since when?”

Gabe chuckled. “Uh for about twenty seven years now, give or take.”

Dean was amazed. “How come I never knew that?”

Cas smiled. “You never asked.”

Dean figured that was why Gabe had agreed to hire him. It was a favor for his brother.

“Hey! I ain’t Cas’ boy toy.”

Both Cas and Gabe laughed. “Wondered when you’d get to that,” Gabe smiled.

They ate lunch and talked about the shop. Dean really did enjoy hearing Cas talk about tattooing. He was very passionate about it.

Dean hung around the shop and drew some stuff after lunch. Cas had a couple of customers but when he was done, he walked over to where Dean was drawing. He picked up one of them.

“Dean, you drew this?”

Dean nodded.

“It’s really good.”

Dean shook his head. “It’s not. I was just fooling around.”

Cas looked at him intently. “Shut up. It’s really good. You need to keep at it.”

Dean nodded but figured Cas was just being nice.

Dean shoved aside his drawings.

“Hey, can I get on your laptop?”

Cas smiled. “Sure, go ahead.”

Dean went upstairs and the laptop was on the coffee table. He opened it. And immediately was watching some guy fucking another guy.

Shit! Cas watched gay porn? Dean watched it for a couple of minutes, then shut the lid.

Was Cas gay? He never gave any indication… come to think of it, Dean had never seen him with anyone or even mentioning a date.

Dean opened the laptop again and clicked on Google. He typed in ‘Sam Winchester’ and hit the search button.

He got several hits. He clicked on the top one, and was taken to a website for Stanford. His brother was graduating. With honors.

He read over it. Sam was doing well for himself, it seemed. But seeing the photo of his brother, smiling from the page, made Dean feel sad. He closed the link and shut the lid.

He spent the rest of the afternoon watching cartoons and drinking beer.

Cas came up about seven. He looked at Dean and all the empty beer bottles that covered the coffee table.

“Dean? Have you eaten anything?”

Dean shook his head. “Not hungry.”

Cas walked over and turned off the TV. “I’m gonna order us a pizza. You need something to soak up all that beer.”

Dean nodded. “Whatever.”

They ate and watched a movie. Dean didn’t even know what it was, he wasn’t paying attention. 

Cas looked at him. “What’s wrong?”

Dean sighed. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. Let it go, Cas.”

Cas stood up. “I’m going to bed. If you feel like talking, I’m here.”

Dean waved a hand. He put the pillow at the end of the couch and laid down. He put his hands behind his head.

He missed Sammy. He knew that Sam hated him, and he could accept that. So he switched to thinking about Cas watching gay porn. His cock twitched and he reached down and grabbed it. It got hard and he licked his palm and began to run his hand up and down. 

In his mind. He saw Cas. Cas was on top of him, looking down with those amazing blue eyes. He came all over his hand. He got up carefully and cleaned up the the bathroom.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d jacked off. He hardly ever even got erect when he was doing a john. Probably not healthy, but at least he’d gotten off. 

The next day was Sunday and the shop was closed. Cas slept in, and Dean had coffee going by the time he got up.

He grabbed a cup, smiling. “Thanks, Dean.”

Dean took his cup to the living room. Cas followed and sat on the couch with him.

“How you doing today, Dean?”

Dean grunted. 

“That good, huh? Well, give me a few to finish my coffee and I’ll fix us something to eat.”

“Ain’t hungry.”

Cas sat down on the couch. “What crawled up your ass and died?”

Dean sighed. “Nothing, I’m sorry. I just…”

Cas waited but Dean didn’t finish.

“Just what, Dean?”

“I just miss my brother. It isn’t a big deal, okay?”

Cas sat for a few moments. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah. he’s four years younger. He’s going to Stanford. Graduating with honors, for fuck’s sake.”

Cas looked at Dean, but didn’t say anything, which Dean was grateful for. Cas got up and went to the kitchen and started breakfast.

They spent the day watching movies, drinking beer and eating junk food.

 


	4. I often think of my life as one big movie

Dean went to work on Monday. Gabe was cheerful and patient with him, even when he screwed up an order. It wasn’t bad, waiting tables, and he discovered that if he flirted a little, it would get him bigger tips. 

He ended the day with a pocket full of change and bills, a clap on the back from Gabe and feet that hurt so bad he could hardly walk. Gabe suggested he needed something other than boots to work in.

The shop was closed on Mondays too, so when Dean got in, he yelled for Cas.

Cas yelled back that he was in his bedroom, so Dean walked to the door.

Cas was on his bed, with his laptop in his lap. He sat it aside and waved Dean in. Dean stood next to the bed, not really knowing if it was okay to sit.

“So, how was your first day?”

Dean grinned. “Not bad. I only fucked up twice and I got a lot of tips. But….”

Cas motioned for him to sit, so he sat at the foot of the bed.

“I need different shoes. And I was wondering if you, uh, would go with me? You know, to help me pick something out.”

Cas grinned. “Love to. Let me put on my shoes and we’ll go.”

They walked around the shoe store. Dean was kind of amazed at how much most of them cost. He only had forty dollars to spend.

Cas called him over to show him a pair of running shoes. 

“These have a lot of support.” 

Dean looked at the price.

“I, uh, I need something cheaper.”

Cas looked embarrassed. “Okay, Dean, how much do you have?”

Dean looked at the floor. “Forty.”

Cas frowned. He walked down the aisle. He turned to the next aisle and called Dean.

“Look! Clearance.”

They found a pair that fit him, had good support and were only twenty five. Dean sat down in a chair to try them on.

When he took off his right boot, his big toe was sticking through a hole in his sock.

Cas snorted. “Jesus, Dean, you’re lucky you don’t have a blister the size of Montana wearing that sock.” 

Cas walked over to a display and grabbed a bag of socks. He ripped it open and handed a pair to Dean. When Dean pulled off his holey sock, Cas took it gingerly between his index finger and thumb and walked it to the trash.

Dean walked out with his bag, and threw an arm over Cas’ shoulders.

“How about a beer? It’s on me.”

Dean drove them to the gay bar close to Cas’ shop. He was a little concerned that Cas wasn’t gay after all and would be uncomfortable, but he decided this was one way to find out.

You could have knocked him over with a feather when they walked in and the bartender yelled  Cas’ name and added. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Cas grinned. “Been busy.”

When they were sitting in a booth and had their beers, Dean took a deep breath.

“So, Cas… uh… you gay?”

Cas laughed. “As a goose, as the old saying goes.”

Dean smiled. “I didn’t know for sure.”

Cas took a long swig of his beer. “You never asked.”

Dean felt warmth in his chest. 

They had a couple of beers and went home. It made Dean feel really good when he paid for them out of money he’s earned legitimately.

Sitting on the couch, Dean felt good. He looked at Cas, who was concentrating on finding a movie for them to watch.

“Cas?”

“Humm?” Cas looked at him.

“Can I… uh… can I kiss you?’

Cas’ eyes got big and Dean regretted saying anything immediately.

“Never mind.. Don’t know what I was thinkin…”

Cas grabbed his face and kissed him. It was light at first, just a brush over his lips, but he grabbed Cas by the back of his neck and pulled him in.

Dean’s brain went foggy and when Cas ran his tongue along Dean’s bottom lip he opened his mouth and Cas slid his tongue in.

Dean had no earthy conception of how long they kissed. Cas kissed along his jaw and under his right ear and Dean moaned.

He was aware of his cock pressing against his buttons on his button fly jeans. That alone boggled his mind. He never got hard with a john. Let alone from just kissing. This was something entirely new.

But then, Cas popped open the top button of his jeans. Dean froze.

He pushed Cas off him, saying, “No... no, no, no, no…”

Cas tilted his head in the way he did when he really didn’t understand something.

Dean opened his mouth and started to babble. 

“Cas, I’ve probably got every STD there is. Hell I probably have something they never saw before and will name it ‘Dean-is-a-dirty-whore-itis’. I blew men, I let men stick it up my ass with no rubbers on if they had enough money. I’m a diseased, no good street whore and you deserve so much better…”

“Dean.”

“Better than me. I’m no good for anything and…”

“Dean!” 

Dean shut his mouth and waited for the inevitable. Cas was going to kick him out and Gabe was going to fire him and he’d be back on the street and...

“DEAN! Stop thinking, stop talking. We’re going to go to the clinic tomorrow and you’ll get tested.”

Dean started at Cas. 

“You’re not going to throw me out?”

Cas’ lips were in a thin line. 

“Of course I’m not going to throw you out. I knew what you were doing for money a long time ago. I know you thought it was your only option. But you need to get tested. Tomorrow.”

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. “But you need to work tomorrow.”

Cas let out a breath. “Charlie can cover for me. No arguments, Dean.”

Dean nodded. “Okay, Cas. Okay.”

Cas chose a movie and they watched it. At least Cas did. Dean was too lost in his head. He never expected Cas to kiss him. He certainly never expected to get hard from kissing Cas. He never expected Cas to take him to get tested. He struggled with what it all meant. He couldn’t figure it out.

He laid on the couch with his hands behind his head and thought about it all long after Cas went to bed.

He really liked Cas. He knew this. And against all odds, Cas seemed to like him too. He didn’t know what he’d done in a past life to deserve this, but he knew it wasn’t anything he’d done in this one. Up until a month ago, he’d been a walking disaster. Even his brother didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

And yet, here he was, living with Cas and working for Gabe and they’d  _ kissed. _

He and Cas had kissed. And it had been awesome. 

Dean fell asleep with a smile on his face.

 


	5. Wrapped tight in a web of blankets and strawberry sheets

Dean woke up to the news that Cas had arranged with Gabe for him to go into work three hours later and make it up by working three hours later that afternoon. They had breakfast and then Dean drove them to the clinic.

He was really nervous. “I’m sweating balls, here, Cas.”

Cas took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

They gave him a cup to pee in, and then led him to a room and made him put on a gown. Cas stayed with him every step of the way.

It was humiliating. They took more blood than Dean had lost in any fight he’d ever been in, and even shoved a swab up his cock. 

Then it was just the waiting. Finally a nurse came in.

“Your preliminary tests all come back clean, but there are some that take a week. We’ll call you.”

Dean walked out with Cas.

Cas chuckled. 

“Are you laughing at my pain, asshole?”

Cas shook his head. “Of course not. But I knew you didn’t have the clap.”

Dean stopped walking and looked at Cas.

“How could you possibly know that?”

Cas grinned. “I had it. Like twenty years ago. If you had it, you’d know.”

Dean stared at him. “You had the clap? How?”

They continued to the car. 

“It was the one and only time I had sex with a woman. I just wanted to know, you know? There was no doubt I was gay after that. I had to fake an orgasm just to get away.” Cas shook his head, “But anyway, three days later, I had pus dripping out of my dick, and my dick stuck to my underwear.  That will get you to a clinic in a hurry.”

Dean shuddered. “Jesus.”

Cas smiled. “Yeah. Nothing like gonorrhea to make you rethink things.”

Dean nodded. “You had to  _ fake _ an orgasm?” 

They both laughed hard.

Dean drove them back to the shop and parked in the alley. When they walked in, Charlie was doing a tat on a chick.

“Hey Charles, how did it go?”

“No problems, el Hefe.”

Cas nodded. “Come on, Dean, you’ve got an hour before you have to be to work. Let’s get a start on that sleeve.”

Dean was gobsmacked. “Really? You mean it?”

Cas grinned. “Nah, I’m just yanking your chain. Of course I mean it. Take your shirt off and go sit down.”

Dean had wanted a half sleeve forever. He never had the money.

“Uh, Cas, You know I don’t have much money…”

Cas just huffed over his shoulder as he got the ink, “Yeah, like I’d charge my boyfriend.”

Dean had to sit down.  _ Boyfriend? _

Forty five minutes later he had the outline of a beautiful swallow on his bicep and a sore arm.

 

He had to work through dinner to make up for the time he took off in the morning. The upside was the tips were even better during dinner. He flirted shamelessly with the customers. When a woman tried to give him her number, he shook his head.

“Sorry, I don’t play for your team.”

The woman looked confused for a moment, then it dawned on her. “Oh… OH!”

She left him a ten dollar tip.

When his shift was over, he went to the shop. At least his feet didn’t hurt. He nodded at Cas, who smiled back, and he went upstairs.

The first thing he noticed was that his pillow wasn’t on the couch. Or his blanket either. He looked all over, but they were nowhere to be found.

He got something to eat, switched on the TV and waited for Cas.

Cas came in about eleven and plopped down on the couch next to Dean.

“Dude, where’s my pillow?”

Cas grinned. “I put it back in my bed.”

Dean stared at him for a moment. “And what exactly am I supposed to lay my weary head on?”

Cas grinned bigger. “On your pillow.”

Dean was confused. “How can I if it’s on your…”

Cas laughed. “Yeah, idiot, you’re coming into the bedroom with me. Enough sleeping on the couch.”

Dean felt a rush of heat in his stomach and abject fear at the same time. “Dude, are you sure?”

Cas leaned over and kissed him lightly. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

They lay in bed, facing each other, They had on their boxers but that was all. 

Cas pulled him closer and kissed him. Dean opened his mouth, thinking all the time that it was probably a mistake, but he did it anyway. Cas’ tongue went exploring.

Soon they were making out in earnest. They were both hard and Dean was making sounds he was fairly sure had never come out of his mouth before.

In a moment of clarity, Dean pulled away.

“Cas....”

Cas shushed him. He straddled Dean’s thighs with his calves and touched Dean’s leaking cock through his boxers. Dean groaned.

“We can do this, Dean.” 

Cas pulled Dean’s boxers down enough to let his cock spring free, then he did the same with his boxers. He grabbed lube from somewhere (Dean never noticed the bottle anywhere) and lubed up his hand. Then he grabbed Dean’s cock, pulling it against his own and ran his hand down them both.

Dean saw stars. The slick feel of Cas’ cock against his own was threatening to make this a very short and embarrassing scene. Dean struggled to calm the fuck down, but his heart felt like it was coming out of his body like in some Bugs Bunny cartoon.

He gripped Cas’ shoulder so tightly he was afraid he’d leave a bruise but he couldn’t help it. He was hanging by a thread. He moaned Cas name out over and over, as Cas hand took him to nirvana. 

Then it was happening. He jerked and yelled, “Oh fuck! Cas!” and came all over Cas’ hand and his belly. It seemed to last forever and yet not be near long enough.

Cas closed his eyes and came too. More cum splattered on Dean’s chest as he watched Cas’ cock spurt. It was very possibly the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.

Cas let go and fell next to Dean.

“Jesus christ, Dean.”

All Dean could muster up was a weak, “Yeah, Cas. Yeah.”

Cas got a wet cloth and cleaned Dean up. Dean turned on his side, sated and sleepy. He felt Cas push up against him and wrap an arm around him.

‘Never thought I’d be the little spoon’ was the last coherent thought he had.

 


	6. A rescue from the needle

The week went by fast. Every day when he got off work, Cas did a little more on his half sleeve. And every night in bed they’d make out like horny sixteen year olds. Dean was floating on a cloud of that good needle pain, tips and Cas. 

And then he got the call. Some woman told him he needed to come into the clinic to talk to the doctor. He didn’t tell Cas, he just went when he got off work that day.

The drive to the clinic was like driving to his doom. The wait in the clinic was like waiting for his execution.

Finally he sat across from a nice lady doctor who told him her name was Ellen Harvelle.

“We got your test results back. You’ve got chlamydia. It’s very treatable, all you need is a course of antibiotics and you’ll be fine.”

Dean knew he had something. He was prepared for it. But it still hurt like hell.

“If you’re sexually active, your partner is going to need antibiotics as well.”

He assured her he wasn’t sexally active with anyone. He technically wasn’t. 

“Well, if you engage in sex, be sure to wear a condom. Latex is preferable.”

Dean nodded. He walked out of the clinic with a bottle of pills in his hand and feeling like shit someone stepped in.

He walked in to the shop and Cas smiled at him. He frowned. 

“What’s the matter?” Cas looked really concerned.

Dean just took the bottle of pills out of his pocket and held them up.

Cas took them and read the label. “Wait, you’ve only got chlamydia? That’s great, Dean!”

Dean couldn’t believe his ears. “Great? I  _ told _ you I had something. I’m diseased…”

Cas frowned. “Yeah, chlamydia. That’s not a big deal, Dean. Take the antibiotics and you’re clean.”

Dean snatched back the bottle. “I’ll move back out on the couch.”

Cas grabbed his arm. “Like hell you will. We sleep together. That’s non-negotiable. Shit, Dean, this isn’t a deal breaker. It isn’t that big a deal at all.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, we’ll see…”

When Cas came in that night, Dean wa asleep on the couch. No pillow, no blanket, just him stretched out in his boxers.

Cas grabbed an arm and pulled him into a sitting position. 

“Get off me, mother fucker.”

Cas just laughed. He grabbed both arms and stood Dean up.

“Come on, you big baby.”

Dean let Cas lead him to the bed. He rolled over on his side and Cas was against him all warm and solid. He let Cas sling an arm around him and went back to sleep.

That ended the couch rebellion.

Dean’s swallow was done. It looked so beautiful, Dean got a little teary looking at in the mirror. He touched it when he was working, squeezing the wrap to feel the twinge of pain. 

He took his antibiotics twice a day. He always took them when Cas could see him do it.

Cas jerked them off a couple of times. Dean put his hand over Cas’ and they made a channel of their hands and thrust up into it. Dean couldn’t get past the feeling that his heart was going to jump out of his chest. He wondered what it meant. 

 

Dean had always loved looking at Cas’ ink, and now he loved tracing them with his fingers even more. But he never got tired of looking at the wings Cas had on his back. On his right side, there was this magnificent wing, every feather looked real. On his left side, the wing was black, burnt and had a very few burnt feathers. 

Dean asked about them.

Cas sighed. “When I told my mother I was gay, she said, ‘you were my angel and now your wings will burn in hell for all eternity.’”

Dean felt a pain in his chest. He laid his head between Cas’ shoulder blades and wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist.

“I’m so sorry. But you’ll always be my angel.”

Cas let his head drop back onto Dean’s. 

 

Dean sat the the table eating breakfast. He dug out the bottle of antibiotics and tipped it into his hand. A single pill rolled out. He looked up at Cas, who was looking at Dean’s hand.

“It’s the last one, Dean.”

Dean nodded and took it. He jumped up.

“Gotta go to work.” and ran out. 

When he got to the diner, he got his phone out and called the clinic, leaving a message for Dr. Harvelle.

He waited impatiently for her to call him back. His shift was almost over when she did.

“What do you need, Dean?”

“I took my last pill today.”

Ellen chuckled. “Congratulations.”

Dean huffed into the phone. “Does this mean I’m clean? I mean one hundred percent, no shit, clean?”

“Yes, Dean. You’re completely clean.”

Dean grinned and thanked her.

When he got in, Cas was doing a large tat so Dean just went on to the apartment. He sat on the couch and thought about it meant. He was completely disease free. He knew what he wanted. He couldn’t suppress the quiet whoop.

Cas came in. Dean handed him a beer. They sat on the couch together.

Cas took a sip and looked at Dean intently.

“So, your last pill.”

Dean smiled. “Yep, my last pill. I called the doctor and she assured me I was clean.”

They each took another sip of beer.

“So, Dean, what do you want now?’

Dean looked at Cas with a waggle of his eyebrows. “I want you… inside of me.”

 

They lay naked on the bed. Cas was kissing every freckle Dean had, and Dean was wriggling and moaning. His cock was so hard it ached.

“Please, Cas,” he whined, “I’ve waited a long time for this. Just get on with it.”

Cas lifted his head from the freckles on Dean’s hip.

“Oh bossy huh?’

Dean looked down at him. “I swear to christ, Cas, if you don’t fuck me soon, I’ll go find someone who will. And I know where to look.”

Cas chuckled. He sat up and reached for the lube, much to Dean’s relief.

Pouring some in his hand, he used the other to spread Dean’s legs further apart and Dean lifted them high in the air.

Cas got a look of pure lust on his face, leaned over and kissed Dean on the mouth while he slid one finger inside, up to the palm.

Dean groaned at the burn. It had been a long time since anything had been in him, but man, he loved the feeling. 

Cas pumped his finger a few times, then added a second. Dean moaned and pushed back against Cas’ fingers. 

Cas worked him open a little too slowly for Dean, but he let Cas do what he wanted to. He just couldn’t believe he was actually going to get fucked by Cas.

At last, Cas slicked up his cock with a generous amount of lube and pressed the head to Dean’s hole. It resisted for a moment, and then the head was in. 

Dean felt like the top oh his head was going to come off. He’d never actually  _ wanted _ anyone inside of him before. It was always just a john, a job he had to do. But this… this he wanted with every fiber of his being.

He wasn’t ready to hear Cas say “I love you, Dean” in the afterglow.

 


	7. A little smoke and mirrors and a little bit of faith

Cas wanted to go dancing at Purgatory. Dean was hesitant.

“I used to pick up johns outside of there.”

Cas smiled. “Hey, you haven’t done that in a while now. I bet no one will even recognize you.”

Dean sighed but agreed to go. If Cas wanted something, Dean was going to be down for it every time.

It was fun. They danced and drank beer and no one had given them a second glance.

Dean excused himself to go to the bathroom. He was just zipping up when he heard a voice that gave him chills.

“Dean! I wondered where you’d disappeared to. Nice ink.”

Dean turned around to look at Michael,

“I don’t do that anymore, Mike.”

Michael walked up and crowded Dean against the wall.

“Oh love, surely you’d do it for me, you know, for old time’s sake? I can make it worth your while.”

Dean attempted to get past the guy but he pushed Dean back.

“Let me go, Mike. I told you…”

Michael leered at him. “Yes, yes, you said. But the thing is, I rather enjoyed your ass.”

Dean heard Cas growl from behind Michael, “Get off him asshole.”

Michael turned and stopped. 

“Castiel?”

Cas looked equally shocked. “Michael? What the fuck?”

Cas reached for Dean’s hand and Dean took it. Dean looked between Mike and Cas.

“Cas, you know this creep?”

Cas sighed. “Yes, Dean, I know him. He’s my older brother.”

Michael laughed. “And you’re with the street whore. How the mighty have fallen.”

Cas frowned. ”I might say the same for you, Mike. Tell me, does mother know about your…  _ proclivities _ ?”

Michael actually looked frightened. “Now, now, Castiel, there’s no cause to involve her in this. I’ll be going.” 

He turned and left the bathroom.

Dean blew out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding.

“That dick is your  _ brother _ ?”

Cas frowned. “Regrettably yes. I gather he was a client?”

Dean nodded. “He’d call me… he was one of the ones who liked it bareback. Fuck! I probably gave him chlamydia.”

Cas chuckled. “More likely he gave it to you. Come on. Let’s dance.”

Dean allowed Cas to drag him out of the bathroom. He looked around but there was no sign of Michael.

“He liked it rough. He liked to make me hurt.” Dean was still thinking about the incident that night pulled him closer and Dean laid his head on Cas’ chest.

“I’m sorry that ever happened to you, baby.”

Dean sighed. “I went. I took his money. I let him hurt me. It’s on me.”

“If I ever see him again, I’m gonna kick his sorry ass for that.”

Dean sighed and turned over. He hated that he’s come between Cas and his brother, even if they didn’t get along that well. It was just one more thing to feel guilty about.

 

When Dean came home from work a couple of days later, there was an art pad and some pencils on the coffee table. There was a note on top.

_ ‘You haven’t been drawing lately. You need to get back to it. I expect 3 new drawings when I get home. Love you’ _

Dean grinned. He sat down at the kitchen table and began to draw.

When Cas got in, he had not three but four new drawings to show him. Cas kissed him and looked at them

“These are really good, Dean. Did you ever consider becoming a tattoo artist?”

Dean’s eyes got big. “Well, yeah, I did for a while. But then I went to prison and got out and, well, you know the rest.”

Cas sat down. “I think you’d make a good one. I’m willing to teach you.”

Dean didn’t know what to say for a minute. 

“I’d really like that, angel.”

Cas smiled. “I’d like that too.”

That night in bed, they were both breathless and hard. Cas grabbed Dean’s face in his hands and looked into his eyes.

“I want you to fuck me, Dean.”

Dean’s eyes got big. “You… you do?”

Cas nodded. “I do. I want to feel you inside me.”

Dean stammered, “I’ve never… have you?”

Cas smiled at him. “A couple of times. Been years, though.”

Dean was still scared and amazed. “But you want me to?”

Cas kissed him. “I love you, Dean. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.”

Dean took a long time to get Cas ready. So long, in fact, Cas got sort of testy.

“Holy fuck, Dean. I”m ready! Just put it in me!”

Dean took a deep breath and pulled his fingers out. He lubed up his cock and put it against Cas’ hole. And froze.

Cas growled, grabbed Dean’s hips and pulled them down while he simultaneously thrust up. Dean’s cock breached Cas’ rim and bottomed out.

Dean almost passed out. He was sure he’d died and gone to some erotic heaven. He took a breath, just to see if he could.

“Oh my fuck! Cas…”

Cas was equally having to deal with the sheer ecstasy of it. “Oh god, Dean…”

Dean pulled back just a tiny bit and thrust forward, listening to a long moan and he wasn’t sure which of them made it.

“Move, mother fucker!”

That was all Dean had to hear. He pulled back until just the head of his cock was still in Cas and  thrust forward. He found his rhythm, Cas wrapped his legs around Dean’s hips and they made so much noise it was lucky they didn’t have neighbors. 

Dean pounded in and out of Cas, Cas met every thrust with one of his own, and soon it was all over. Cas came hard, shooting cum all over himself and Dean followed shortly after. He fell on top of Cas, completely blown away.

When they could regain the power of speech, Cas kissed Dean deeply. 

“That was awesome. I love you so much.”

Dean ducked his head. “I really liked it, but to be truthful, I like it the other way better. I mean we can do that some, but I’d rather bottom. And yeah, I know.”

Cas pulled back and tilted his head. “You know you don’t have to say it back, don’t you Dean?”

Dean sighed. He really wanted to say the words, but somehow they always stuck in his throat.

“I’m trying, Cas. You know how I feel about you.”

Cas smiled. “I know.”

Dean turned over to be the little spoon and smiled when he felt Cas curl up behind him and throw his arm around Dean’s waist.

 


	8. Take me to your leader Put me in my place

It was the first of Dean’s two days off. Cas came in and stood in front of the TV.

“Hey, I was watching that!”

Cas grinned. “I got you a pig!”

Dean was the one to tilt his head this time.

“Uh… okay… don’t you think it’s gonna get a little crowded in here?”

Cas laughed. “Not a live pig, idiot. I got you half a dead pig.”

Dean was still mystified. “Um… thanks?”

Cas grabbed his hand. “It’s to practice tattooing on. A pig’s skin is very close to a person’s skin. Now, come on before it gets ripe.”

Dean went downstairs and sure enough, there was half a fucking pig laying on a table. Cas led him to the chair in front of it and handed him a tattoo gun.

Dean took it and looked it over. 

“Is this one of yours?”

‘Nope, it’s your new gun.”

Dean sucked in a breath. “Really? You bought me my own tattoo gun?”

Cas was busy laying out inks. “Yes, I did. Now come on and I’ll show you how to make a stencil.”

Dean made a stencil of one of his drawings. It was of a lotus flower. He sat down in front of the pig and took the gun in his hand. He had to calm his nerves to make his hand stop shaking. 

Cas guided his movements. Before long, Dean had a shaky lotus tattooed on the pig carcass. 

He shook his head. “It looks terrible.”

Cas kissed his temple. “That’s why it takes practice. You’re already doing better than my first try.”

Dean wasn’t convinced but he tried again. 

By the time the pig was starting to stink, he could see the improvement.

Cas was telling him when he pressed too deeply or too lightly. But overall, Dean was getting the hang of it.

Cas took the pig carcass to the dumpster wrapped in thick plastic.

Dean’s sleeve was coming along as well. They had worked together to design what went around the swallow. Dean wanted a dark forest, with a wolf head showing through the trees with his eyes shining.

“It’s my life, angel. All the dark shit I went through. But I came through it…”

Cas smiled. “And turned into the swallow.”

Dean blushed. “Well, yeah. Thanks to you.”

Cas shook his head. “No, not thanks to me. You did the work. You decided to stop doing what you were doing and pull yourself out of it.”

Dean kissed Cas. “Never would have if it wasn’t for you.”

 

Dean got put on dinner service at Gabe’s. It worked out better for Dean and Cas, because Cas’ shop was open in the evenings. And the tips were better.

Dean and Cas got to lay around in bed in the mornings, exchanging lazy blow jobs and making out.

The added income from the tips meant that Dean could finally buy his own laptop.

He sat down in front of it and joined FaceBook. 

He logged on a couple of days later, and there was a friend request from Sam Winchester. Dean considered deleting his profile when a text box popped up, Sam Winchester wanted to chat.

Dean tried not to panic. He accepted the friend request and then opened up the chat.

_ Sam: Is that really you, Dean? _

Dean paused, but found himself typing.

_ Dean: Hi ya Sammy. Yeah, its me _

_ Sam: oh my god I can’t believe it! I thought you might have been dead _

_ Dean: nope, very much alive _

_ Sam: You asshole where are you? _

Dean chuckled.

_ Dean: I’m in Lawrence Kansas _

_ Sam: Kansas? Do you have any idea how long I’ve been trying to find you? _

_ Dean:  No. Why? _

_ Sam: what do mean why? You’re my brother! I love you and I’ve missed you _

_ Dean:  that’s not what you said the last time I saw you _

_ Sam: dude I was fourteen! I’ve been sorry about that for years. Give me your phone number _

Dean typed his phone number out and hesitated before he hit enter. But then his finger twitched and it got sent.

His phone rang less than a minute later.

“Hey Sammy.”

“It’s still Sam, jerk.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah and you’re still a bitch.”

They talked for a half an hour before Dean said he had to get to work.

“Dean, I’m graduating in June. I wish you’d be there.”

Dean hesitated. “Don’t think I can, Sam.”

“At least promise me you’ll try.”

“I will, Sam, I’ll try.”

He felt his eyes filling with unshed tears and he wiped them away.

 

“I talked to my brother today.”

Cas sat up in bed and looked at him. “You did? How did that go?”

Dean chuckled. “Pretty damn good, actually. He found me on FaceBook and I gave him my number. He’s not still mad at me.”

Cas smiled. “It’s been years, Dean. I’m sure he regrets what he said.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah. He wants me to go to see him graduate.”

“Dean, that’s great! When?”

Dean sighed. “June. I mean I could probably get the time off work, but…”

“But what?”

Dean looked embarrassed. “I don’t fly. And it would take too long to drive there.”

Cas grinned. “You don’t fly?”

Dean frowned. “They are metal tubes of death, Cas!”

Cas smiled and patted Dean on the leg. “Maybe he could come here.”

Dean brightened. “Yeah! He could come after he graduated. Thanks, angel.”

Dean was already planning his call to Sam in the morning.

Dean called Sam. Sam agreed to fly there the week after he graduated.

“Sam, there’s a couple of things I need to tell you.”

Sam waited. 

“I’m with someone. And, well, he’s a he.”

Sam laughed. “Are you finally coming out of the closet to me, Dean?”

“What? You knew?”

“That you liked guys? Everyone knew, jerk. Anyone with eyes could see how you looked at Benny.”

Dean chuckled, “I was that obvious? I thought I was being slick.”

They had a good laugh, but Dean was incredibly relieved. It had been scary to come out to Sam, only to find out he already knew.

  
  


Cas finished Dean’s half sleeve. Dean cried a little. It was so beautiful, he couldn’t believe he had that on his skin. 

Then Cas told Dean that he wanted Dean to tattoo something on him.

“What? I’m not ready for that!”

Cas hugged him. “You’re ready. I already know which of your drawings I want and where we’re going to put it. Stop worrying. I’m not, and it’s going on my leg, for fuck’s sake.”

Dean was not that sure about it, but he asked which drawing Cas wanted. Cas walked to his pile of art and picked one up.

It was Dean’s drawing of a tree in a circle. The top was branches and leaves, the bottom was roots.

Dean looked at it and then at Cas.

“You like this one?”

Cas kissed his cheek. “I love this one. And you’re going to tattoo it on my thigh.”

 

  
  



	9. Just give me a taste of your amazing grace

It was late, and Dean was helping Cas clean up the shop. 

There was a knock on the door, and Cas yelled, “I’m closed!” but the knocking persisted.

He walked to the door and it was Gabe. Cas unlocked the door and let him in.

Gabe was grinning from ear.

“Cassie, I have the most amazing and humorous news!”

Cas crossed his arms and Dean stopped and walked over to his side.

“Ruby caught Mike raping some twink!”

Dean froze.

“She’s telling everyone. She even told Mom. Ruby walked in and he had some poor boy tied to his bed. The kid was crying and begging Mike to stop. Cassie, there was  _ blood _ !”

Dean turned and went upstairs without saying a word.

“What’s wrong with him?’ Gabe seemed mystified.

Cas growled, “Get out, Gabe.”

Gabe was ushered out, saying, “What? What the fuck is wrong?”

Cas locked the door and walked upstairs. He found Dean sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He was crying.

Cas sat down next to him and hugged him close.

Dean looked up, his face wet with tears.

“He raped some kid! He never stopped. I should have done something! It’s on me. I should have done something…”

Cas shook his head. “Done what, Dean? There was nothing you could do. It’s not your fault. Mike is sick, he’s a sick bastard. That’s on him, not on you.”

Dean put his head back in his hands. 

“I could have told someone. I could have killed him. But I let him do things to me, and I just kept going back. He paid to hurt me and I let him.”

Cas held him tight. “I’m glad you didn’t kill him. You would be in prison now, instead of here, with me. And that’s what’s important, Dean. You’re here… with me.”

Dean leaned against him, but didn’t say another word.

 

_ He was back in the alley. The guy was pulling down Dean’s pants while he fought against him. Then, the guy was Michael. Dean was tied in his bed. He struggled to get loose, but it only made the knots tighter. Michael was beating him with something leather, he felt his ass break open and there was blood. Then Michael was jamming into him and it hurt so bad… Dean was begging him to stop, telling him it hurt too much… _

 

Cas was shaking him, saying his name over and over. He struggled to swim his way up, to break the surface of the dream, to breathe.

When he finally took a long, shuddering breath, he could feel Cas’ warmth against him, feel those strong arms holding him. He dug his head into Cas’ chest.

“It was just a dream, baby. You’re safe. I’m here.”

Dean nodded but didn’t move his head. He knew if he even looked at Cas, he’d start crying.

Finally he felt like he could move. He sat back, but still didn’t look at Cas.

“Want to talk about it?”

Dean shook his head. “I can’t yet.”

Cas pulled him to his feet and led him to the kitchen. He poured Dean a glass of orange juice and they sat there while Dean drank it.

“It started out in the alley, where the guy… you know.”

Cas nodded solemnly.

“But then, it was Michael. He was… hurting me.”

Cas looked angry, but he quickly changed his expression when Dean looked at him.

“I’d like to kill him. I’d kill him with my bare hands.”

Dean nodded. “But remember, they don’t allow conjugal visits between men in prison.”

Cas snorted and smiled. “I’m pretty sure when Ruby gets done with him, he’ll wish he was dead. Not to mention our mom.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, there’s that at least.”

They went back to bed and Dean didn’t dream any more that night.

 

It was the middle of May and Dean still hadn’t started on Cas’ tattoo. He wanted to, but he was still afraid he’d mess it up and Cas would forever have something on his skin that would only remind both of them what a fuck up he was.

Finally, Cas was fed up with his constant excuses. He drug Dean into the shop, set up the inks and equipment, took his pants off and laid on the table.

“Get to tattooing.”

Dean knew he couldn’t put it off anymore. He went and made a stencil of the tree and spread it carefully on Cas’ thigh. He pulled it back slowly and there it was. Now all he had to do was tattoo it.

He sat down and grabbed the gun. His hand shook. 

Cas touched him on the shoulder. “Breathe, Dean. If you hold your breath, it’ll make your hand shake. Just breathe.”

Dean took a long, slow, steadying breath and put the gun in the ink.

He was concentrating so much, his head hurt and his neck got stiff. But he put the ink into Cas’ skin.

Finally it was done. He sat back and took a deep breath. It looked okay! It really looked okay.

Cas was grinning, and he stood up and walked to the full length mirror. He looked at it, turned slightly and looked more.

Then he turned back to Dean. Dean was holding his breath.

“It’s damn nice, Dean. You did a damn nice job.”

Dean blew out a breath. “You’re not just saying that?”

Cas laughed. “When have you ever known me to say a tat is good if it isn’t?”

Dean allowed himself a small smile. “Never.”

Cas walked to him and gathered him up in a tight hug.

“It’s good, Dean. really good for your first time. I love it.”

Dean put lotion on it and wrapped it carefully. He felt a twinge of pride. He hadn’t fucked it up.

When it healed, Dean would often trace it with his finger when they were in bed. He was proud of it. And that was a new sensation. He wanted to feel that more often.

One night, he was tracing it with his finger, and suddenly just stopped. Cas tilted his head.

“Everything okay?”

Dean thought about Cas, how he’d always been there for him. He thought back to the night he’d shown up at the shop after he’d gotten raped and how Cas had taken care of him. How he’d trusted Dean to tattoo the tree.

Dean had the biggest grin on his face that Cas had ever seen.

“Everything is perfect, Cas. And I love you. I love you so much. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you.”

 

And then it was June. Dean shifted nervously from foot to foot, chewing on a nail. Cas put his hand over Dean’s and pulled it away from his mouth.

“Relax, Dean. Everything is fine.”

They were in the airport, waiting for Sam’s plane to debark. 

When Sam finally came into view with a duffel bag slung over one shoulder, both Dean and Cas had their mouths open.

“You didn’t tell me how fucking  _ tall  _ he was.”

Dean watched his brother approach. “He wasn’t the last time I saw him.”

Sam ran when he saw Dean, and grabbed him in a rib-cracking hug. He actually lifted Dean off his feet for a moment.

“Put me down, you moose!” 

They both laughed. Dean had tears in his eyes. He turned to Cas.

“Sam, this is Cas… Castiel. He’s my, uh, boyfriend.”

Cas’ eyes flashed for a moment, then he stuck his hand out to Sam.

Sam hugged him too. 

“Let’s get out of here, shall we?’ Dean and Sam nodded in agreement.

  
  



	10. I'm the captain of my story but I'm looking for a mate

Sam’s visit was awesome. They laughed and told stories about their childhood and about one another that kept Cas laughing for hours.

Then, the night before he was leaving, Sam got quiet. 

“Dean, why did you break into that house?”

Dean looked at him but didn’t answer.

Sam looked sad. “It was for me, wasn’t it? You did it for me.”

Dean sighed. “It was almost your birthday. I just wanted you to have a nice one, just once. I mean, you’d never had a present, never had a cake, and it wasn’t like dad was gonna change suddenly. I’m not even sure he knew when your birthday was.”

He looked at Cas. “Someone told me they kept lots of cash in their house. And they did, like several hundred. I only took fifty. But the cops caught me about a block away. I never knew about silent alarms or cameras.”

Cas shook his head. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

Sam looked like he was going to cry.

“And I was so mad at you! Fuck… the things I said to you. You thought I meant them, but I didn’t, Dean. I really didn’t and when you got out you just disappeared. I’ve been trying to find you ever since.”

Dean hugged Sam to him. “It’s okay, Sammy. It all happened a long time ago, and you’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

 

Sam was on the plane back to Stanford and they were in the parking structure of the airport.  Dean was in the driver’s seat. Cas sat in the seat next to him, waiting for him to start the car. But instead he turned to Cas.

“You know I love you, right?”

Cas nodded.

“You’re it for me, Cas. I know that. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Cas smiled. “I love you too, baby, and I’m never going anywhere.”

Dean grinned. “Want to get married?”

Cas was lucky he was sitting down. 

“ _ Married _ ? You want to get married… I don’t need a piece of paper to know we’re going to be together forever, Dean.”

Dean nodded. “Well, I don’t either, but I want everyone to know that we’re well… fully committed to each other.”

Cas tilted his head for a moment, then grinned. “I know what to do.”

 

Dean looked at the ring finger on his left hand. There was a ring tattooed on it, with Cas’ name in it. Cas had a ring on his finger that had Dean’s name. Dean smiled, just like he always did when he looked at it.

He stood up and walked to the front of the shop.

“Okay, who’s next?”

He glanced over at Cas, who was concentrating on the tattoo he was doing, and Dean rubbed his thumb over the ring tattoo.

When a guy stood up and walked over, Dean smiled at him, and led him back to his space.

“So, what kind of a tattoo were you thinking of?”

 

Life wasn’t just good, it was  _ amazing _ .

 


End file.
